I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
