I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
