dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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