The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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