i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
