There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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