Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
