I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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