I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
