What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
