just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
