so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
