I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
