I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we're making bets on your personal life
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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