He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
