I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
