And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sorry about my life...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
