i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize