feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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