nut hugger
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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