I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This is my gift to your gina
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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