Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i think i just lost a toe
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
