Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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