Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
