He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
