you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
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