Soap is not a condiment
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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