There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
