Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
