do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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