I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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