I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
