i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
