But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
