My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
