I could have mohawked her pubes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
