He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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