This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
