when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I deserve this hangover.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
