I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
