Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
