So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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