I wanna bring you to show and tell
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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