I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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