The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
