Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
