I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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