I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He passed out mid-signature
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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