Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
