I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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