watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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