Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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