Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
