Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
