Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
my poor anus
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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