Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
