beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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