If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
