Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
