So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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