your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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