Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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