the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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