My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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