I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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